Halfway through the season and it’s anyone’s game. Well kinda. Tim unpacks how the remaining loners are faring in the harsh Tasmanian winter.

 

Why do you watch Alone? Is it for the bushcrafting skills? The trapping? Maybe the backstories of the contestants, or the rare, somewhat authentic look into humans surviving on the edge.

One thing’s for sure, there aren’t many shows on air these days where you can get a POV shot of a wild animal being straight up murdered, followed by an ad for a KIA ute, and a stay on a cruise ship. I wouldn’t say it’s why I watch the show, but it’s certainly novel.

Unlike almost all reality TV, Alone isn’t about the interactions between humans, but how they deal with themselves. It’s obviously, fundamentally a nature show, but that layer of loneliness, to me, adds so much more.

 

Each episode just reminds me of how I’d be waaay more dramatic about hunger than any of them

 

It’s also a bastard to predict. With eight contestants left after nearly three weeks and four episodes, we’re not even at the pointy end yet. But I reckon it’s about to unravel quicker than a spool on a set line (ok, maybe not the best example).

Here’s what stood out from episode five of season three of Alone Australia.

*Spoilers from here on out!*

Ceilidh Made the Right Call

This might be a hot take, as I’ve got at least one mate who firmly thinks Ceilidh shouldn’t have called the med team.

But personally, there’s a big difference between linear starvation and headaches, and the sus, frothy, stingy goodness that she was experiencing. Whether it was poor hygiene, not boiling water, or something else that led to her UTI, we might never know. But knowing how quickly things can turn bad, I think it was good to see safety as the priority.

 

Sad to see Ceilidh go, but what a great innings

 

In the end, she promised her wife she was going to ‘come back’ and pushing through to a potentially life-threatening state would have been really dangerous.

I’m sad to see her story end so suddenly though. That fish trap and smoker were looking the goods.

Shay Really Needs This

Pour one out for Shay man. This guy traps possums for a living and he’s gettin’ nothing. It’s pretty savage, I know for a fact that Tasmania has possums, heaps, but maybe they’re too busy standing in the middle of roads and harassing campers.

A little insight into Shay’s home life shows how $250,000 could help his family out more than most, they’re not rolling in it living out in the sticks.

The on-screen text was brutal too. As Shay nibbles on a tiny crustacean, which he optimistically calls a shrimp, it reads: Arcitalitrus sylvaticus is a terrestrial crustacean of insignificant nutritional value. Ooft. Let the man eat his lawn prawn* in peace!

*Actual name

 

Blink and you’ll miss it

Yonke Feels Like Gina-Lite

Who is Yonke? It feels like we still don’t know? Is she crap at filming or are we going to get a big dose of her spiritual vibeage later on?

Emerging from a huge shelter, thanking the land for providing (it isn’t?), and identifying as a weather witch all give me Gina-from-Temu vibes. Is she really connecting with nature and manifesting as much as she says she is? I’m hoping so! But I don’t see it.

One thing’s for sure, that lake is rising.

 

Fair is fair: this piece of driftwood is cool. She’s right

Karla’s Showing Cracks

It’s been a week since Karla caught that basilisk of an eel and it’s finally all gone, with no other runs on the board.

We join her on the arduous 40 minute walk to her wallaby trap. Does anyone remember why it’s so far away? Once there, we see that it’s bulky as – it’ll definitely hold a wallaby that’s dumb enough to go inside a big square box.

But the door’s too heavy and it’s not working. Later, having chundered repeatedly from eating fiddlehead and saw sedge greenery, we see the sat phone in her hand. Surely not?

 

Is a tap imminent?

 

If you watch and listen carefully, you’ll have noticed that half of what Karla was ‘saying’ wasn’t contextual. In fact, the sound of her voice kept changing, so what seemed like a distressed monologue was actually a highlights reel of dread.

I think they’re hyping it up, I reckon Karla’s sticking around a while longer yet.

Read more: Our Alone Australia Season 3 Predictions – Ep 1 & 2

Can Muzza Be My Grandad?

Seriously, is there some kind of service that can hook me up with blokes like this? Look at this frosty man just eating salted eel skin off a Dutch oven lid like he’s in some hatted restaurant.

I genuinely felt a bit teary when he started talking about passing stuff on to his grandkids. I’m not sure if it’s his deeply authentic nature, or his ability to manifest trout (he caught his first brown one!), but I can’t help my love for the bloke.

 

Seriously, another fish? Next he’ll build WiFi or something

 

Again, we’re given an insight into how much the lake is rising. I’m tipping that to be a big drama in the next episode.

Ben Needs To Stop Singing

Look, I’m stoked for Ben. Truly, that Chewbacca yell he did upon bringing home an eel, his first protein in 19 days, was as pure as it comes.

But did we need to sing whilst we bashed its brains out? Damn dude that all felt a little ‘serial killer’ if I’m being honest.

 

The night vision was NOT helping either

 

Aggressive positivity does seem to be working for him and we haven’t seen too much family chat. Ben is back in the game.

The Quotes Are Out Of Control

Muzza had some pearlers this episode:

‘I do feel like I’ve been kissed on the dick by a fairy.’

‘Better than a poke in the eye with a blunt stick.’

 

Trust the man with the beer bottle reel to know how to narrate

 

And from Ben:

‘Looking as shmick as a rat with a gold tooth.’

Why don’t we say stuff like this anymore? It’s all ‘skibidi’, ‘rizz’, and ‘delulu’. We gotta bring back the ocker sayings! Ok, maybe not the first one.

Corinne Is A Dark Horse

I think I’ve said this before, but who actually is Corinne? She comes across as a little scattered and inexperienced. She hasn’t trapped before, or killed an animal apart from a fish, but she seems to be coping just… fine?

My wife Mary can’t believe how put together she looks after 19 days. She’s also wearing a Mont Icicle, one of the warmest and weatherproof jackets out there, but pretty niche, high-tech gear.

Maybe, as she says, she’s just good at picking things up quickly. Maybe, I’m just trying to find another reason to listen to Dark Horse by Katy Perry. We may never know.

What I do know is that she’s identified an animal track, found their food source, set up a net, caught a wallaby, and bashed its head in with a rock. That my friends, is serious shit.

 

No one show Corinne’s segments to Shay…

 

The amount of protein in a wallaby is massive compared to the other food sources. With most contestants looking flaky, this puts Corinne leagues ahead. Only Muzza comes close, with maybe Karla also in the running because I don’t believe she’s as bad as she’s portrayed #conspiracy.

It’s About To Get Real

I don’t know about you, but I thoroughly enjoyed this episode. SBS is keeping everyone on their toes, the contestants are about to start their fourth week in near-zero conditions, and we’re catching stuff!

I was gutted for Ceilidh to go, as I reckon she would have had a red hot crack at taking out the win, but that’s the game baby.

What do you think? Have your predictions changed? Did you notice something that might change my mind? Get into it in the comments.

 

Want more? Make sure you read up on everything about Alone Australia season three!

Alone Australia Season 3 Episode Recaps & Predictions

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