Alone Australia Recap – Episode 9 – Right in the (F)eels

They’re still out there! The three remaining Alone Australia contestants were pushed even harder this week and by golly it was an emotional rollercoaster – tissues at the ready!

Hello, hello, and welcome to another Alone recap. I’d like to dedicate this recap to all of the haters who reckon they would’ve done any better. Maybe they should do a season consisting entirely of entrants who wrote snarky Facebook comments like: ‘ThEsE pEoPlE aRe SofT’.

Sorry, that was uncharacteristically mean of me. I’m going to blame the fact that it’s 7am and I’m still absorbing this coffee into my bloodstream – caffeine is a substance I can rarely go six hours without, let alone 26 days.

Can you believe it? It’s been nearly a February. Long faded are the memories of Peter stomping around with an axe, or Beck just leaving her firewood in the rain, these people are the real deal.

Especially Michael? Like it’s clear he was a bit cinematically-challenged early on so we weren’t always sure what he was doing but hey, he’s still here. Absolutely famished, but still here and still pretty upbeat to be honest.

He’s making the brave choice to move camp this ep whilst Gina continues to manifest abundance and Mike begins work on a submarine, because the fish are underwater.

This is just so much leg for Tassie in winter

Mike

Ok I love how this episode began. Mike’s on day 26 and (jumping the gun a touch) starts talking about the mental barrier of one month.

‘People will be going home after a month,’ he says. That’s so pure, my guy, you’re one of three! I love how someone as capable as him has battled a fair bit yet he still thinks everyone else is out there.

I guess technically they’ve been away from their families for over a month already but I reckon Mike was just talking about the competition. Family doesn’t factor into his algorithm.

So Mike reckons he’s caught a big eel again but of course his system is, I’m going to say it, fucked. Last ep was big on Gollum vibes and it looks like this will be no different.

‘I need those eels,’ he says. Haha you sure do big guy.

How many calories does a cold dunk burn though? Mike’s already looking pretty trim again, surely the decision to do a four-metre deep dive in nine-degree water, alone in the wilderness seems very desperate and a little bit confident? He does make a point that he doesn’t want to lose any fish hooks.

Nope

But lordy lordy, he’s practising cutting the line underwater without being able to see it in case he gets caught up somehow. What kind of forms did these guys sign? SBS has washed their hands of this guy, the legal team is out to lunch (roast pademelon I bet).

Gina

Is this an official fish calling song? Can I learn this on one of her rewilding courses?

Gina says she wants to be ‘thriving instead of surviving’. C’mon friend, it’s called ‘sur-thriving’, everyone knows that!

Six fish in four days is a fairly epic haul from Gina, she’s well and truly broken her fast. But now she’s got a different issue, is some food a bit tougher than no food? Her body is screaming out for more now.

Anyway, she wants to clear out the fishing area because it’s ‘snags on snags on snags’. Sounds like a good morning at Bunnings, don’t see the problem?

Seriously though, she said she wants to clear the branches during ‘low tide’ which happens ‘every few days’. We know this is a freshwater lake/dam situation so do they get tides, which generally happen every 12 hours?

Gina’s trying to minimise the risk of snags on the fluctuating shoreline

Computer says no. So Gina must be seeing the rise and fall of the dam itself due to rain. That’s a pretty unnatural situation, a semi-tidal freshwater shoreline, that might explain why fishing is such a dickaround on this show.

Was anyone else surprised Gina didn’t want to walk into the mud to clear the sticks? I thought she’d want to walk barefoot in the mud and soul-bond with it. Turns out we all have a limit.

Mike

Omg Mike’s spent 15 minutes in the nine degree water, no thank you. Now I am SURE that this is a massive calorie burn. Give it up dude! The eels don’t love you back!

He’s had to give up which makes it a doubly massive waste, he didn’t even salvage the hook.

Mike’s reasoning that he ‘has to try everything’ or he’ll get pulled on weight grounds is fairly sound to be honest. He’s implied on socials that he was trying more things than the show will ever be able to depict, fishing and trapping every day, I just don’t understand why he’s been so unlucky.

Mike’s rig is back!

Michael

Hahaha we’ve begun with a fart joke. Excellent.

Michael’s started calling his new home the Bay of Plenty and honestly, the famous region of New Zealand has nothing on this place.

We’re avoiding the obvious though aren’t we? Michael is moving to the Garden of Eden. Let’s go dude! Don’t eat the apples!

It must have been pretty heavy, having to dismantle that trap. I rate the minimal impact nature of the rules but damn, spending all that effort for nothing must hurt. Do you reckon they have a printout of the rules? Four weeks in I would have absolutely forgotten them. I have to relearn Poker every time I play.

Goodbye, tarp city

How tough can this 1.2km hike to the new zone be, will it really take two days to move everything?

Oh, yep it’s tough as balls. What is this place honestly. Everything is so unforgiving. Such steep banks, so muddy. Did that move really take the entire day? Yikes dude, seriously yikes. The pelican case sucks ass too, that thing has bulk.

Contestants are kind of pinned to their spot right? There’s so much gear you’d have to really be sure there was a spot over the hill that was better than where you landed, and that takes time to work out.

Gina

Gina’s fish haul has taken a hiatus, and now she’s gotta go out in the rain to pull her hooks in. Wait… she got another one. Seven! I can’t even.

It’s comical how easy she makes it look compared to Mike. Sure, her spot looks a bit better, but seriously.

I’m not gonna lie, I haven’t had fish for breakfast before but the thought of some salty fish in the morning made me drool. I’ve only had coffee today – when does Sushi Train open again? Do they serve whole salted Tasmanian Brown trout?

Goopy

Mike

Mike’s complaining about the shitty fishing situation and fair play, it looks pretty difficult where he is.

But also, is anyone sweating just looking at his pants?

Mike’s considering paddling to a better shore and fishing from there. Genius! But what if he gets stranded?

I love how Mike tells you his plan while sitting in a chair, so calculated

Honestly it’s such a big risk that thing. If it breaks and he’s far from home it could be impossible to get back. If he capsizes (amazing he hasn’t) he wouldn’t be able to get back in without dragging it to shore. It’s dicier than a game of Dungeons and Dragons (I had to Google whether the game actually uses lots of dice, because I’m such a cool jock). 

Mike’s gotta stop calling it foodless though, there’s heaps of food, it’s just hard as heck to catch!

You know what else looks dicey? The weather. It is not the day to go for a big paddle. Is all the smoked eel gone already?

Michael

You’ve got a king size bed at home do ya Michael? Weird flex, but I’m happy for you.

Gina

The calories in fish aren’t enough! She wants HALF A KILO of protein, a day! Christ. How are you gonna get an animal Gina? It’s funny to me that she appears to have not tried any form of mammal trapping yet on day 27. She’s just got no sense of urgency. It’s great to see, just warming up.

Mike

Mike is starting to do a lot of whinging. Maybe Tassie trout fishing is just tougher than up north?

Gina’s pulling them in, so do all these spots that Mike’s not catching things in have a link or is there something he’s missing?

I definitely thought a silly mistake was going to happen there with the ominous music in the kayak. But it was just a small cut on his hand (don’t tell Michael).

Mike’s having a bit of a breakdown at the moment, he’s so angry and fed up. I’m glad he’s going to have a nap in the sleeping bag. That weather is looking really tough and I think the cold from kayaking and yet another failure sent him over the edge.

Full on meltdown time, Mike was hangry here

Story time! Turns out Mike wanted to fly ‘fast jets’ (lol is that what they’re called?) in the military, but he didn’t get past the training, brutal. I love that he knows he gave it everything he had though. I guess that’ll be his approach for Alone too, leave nothing on the table? 

A few people have said that it feels like Mike is trying too hard and overthinking things, I wonder if Top Gun school was like that too? I don’t wanna speculate too much on the guy’s life based off of some soundbites, just hope he gets a dang fish soon. I would suggest just throwing a line in and saying hi to a kookaburra, it’s working for Gina!

Gina

Woah, Gina’s starting to forget life outside! It’s amazing how quickly we become accustomed to new lifestyles isn’t it? When wireless headphones hit the market I immediately forgot how to use wired ones, I feel like this is similar.

She’s learning some things though. It took four weeks of solitude for Gina to see that she’s become fiercely independent to protect herself from another heartbreak. Bloody hell. She’s seeing now that she’s never completely vulnerable with the people she loves. Duuuude.

Right in the (f)eels!

Oh, she wants a hug, wants someone there. Don’t be pulling out gal. Don’t be pulling out on the month like Mike said people would! You’ll get a hug later. Once you’ve won. A hug from money. Mmmm.

Michael

He’s done it! By the power of grace and saw sedge grass Michael has moved his entire campsite. I cannot believe he sounds so good for four weeks without food. His filming is even getting (marginally) better!

Oof, he’s copped a branch while setting up a new shelter. SBS have done a hard cut to an ad break but I bet it’s nothing. I bet he makes a huge deal of it though.

On the replay, it’s hit him in the side of his arm. Not too bad, on the head might have been a different story, but a corked shoulder isn’t going to help with shelter building.

Not sure about you guys, but a few episodes ago I probably would have laughed at Michael having a branch fall on him (actually I made a joke about it). Now it feels different, not only have the contestants gone well past what I could manage, they’ve also been vulnerable, in their own ways. Damn, I’m tearing up. See? Even the goofy recap guy has feelings.

Mike

Haha what is happening this time with the line Mike? To quote my friend Rachel ‘Mike, why is fishing so hard for you?’ That is a huge trout. Turns out they exist and you can catch them. And he did! Oh happy days. Oh sweet nurturing nature!

Did he just thank the Southern Cross? Hahaha Straya!

We’re getting a bit of family chat from Mike over the top of his meal, but we have no idea when he said it, but it was definitely not while he was cooking a trout.

I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that beautiful astrophotography timelapse with the paddle in the foreground was shot immediately after Mike ate a big ol’ fish. I reckon he was on Cloud 9.

Michael

Not a bad Taj Ma-tarp my dude! Take it easy now, you’ve had 29 (!) days without food and a good nap will help you plan to actually get some.

Nope, reckon we’ll have a cry instead.

Michael’s now spent four weeks without his family, five if you count the bootcamp, which is a really long time to be away without contact. Not knowing he’s in the top three would be so mentally challenging, yet this is the first cry.

Do you think it could be helpful they don’t know they’re some of the last standing? Everyone has assumed most of the contestants are still playing, so mentally they’d be prepared for a long way to go. If you knew it was just two other people you had to outlast that could make it tougher, the end would feel so much closer.

Is Michael growing on anyone else? His perseverance is real and although I’m not convinced he’ll get any food, it’s not from lack of grit.

And that’s the ep!

Wow, with only three people left I was on the edge of my seat. No taps either and we’ve nearly done a full month. Granted, that ep only covered about four days, probably because someone goes home early next episode.

Next ep, Michael is both looking thin and talking to medics, he’s in real danger of being tapped for health reasons. Mike is still looking gaunt and I’m pretty sure that trap doesn’t catch the marsupial again, so he’s in a similar boat.

Gina’s talking about hunger but, woah that final shot, surprisingly, shows what looks like a possum knocked out on the ground. Bro. That possum might be the difference.

Next week is a double episode for the finale! We’re going to find out who wins, phwoaar, I don’t want it to be over.

Who do you think’s going to take it out? Will we make it past 31 days? Will two of them duke it out for another month? Or will it all crash in a heap in the next week? Let me know in the comments!