Alone Australia Recap – Episode 5 – Naked and Alone

The six remaining contestants have passed a week in the godforsaken armpit that they now call home. But with all the moisture going around it seems some contestants are feeling the need to bare some skin.

 

Hel-lo A-Loners! No? You’re still watching this with mates? Yeah cool, me too. I definitely haven’t driven everyone off with relentless armchair analysis. Just to confirm.

We’re up to episode five and into the second week of Alone Australia, and six legends remain. I reckon that’s pretty good to be honest, this part of lutruwita looks aggressively unpleasant at this time of year.

The ep begins with a pretty potent quote from philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, ‘He who has a why to live can bear almost any how’. Not bad. But you know another great Nietzsche quote? ‘God is dead’. 

Hmm.

This ep had more twists and turns than a freshly-caught eel, as well as a handful of no-context moments that really highlighted how bloody hard this thing must have been to edit. 

Chris

Ok last time we saw Chris he was having a bad old time, his head’s a mess without food and he’s had bugger all success, really. I still don’t know what happened to his net either…

He’s set up in front of a moody backdrop for a piece to the camera. Not good. I dunno if SBS told everyone they had to film a tap out segment but there’s definitely a pattern to how people are doing this. Maybe it’s just the biggest thing that’s happened to them all week, lol.

 

 

Chris is quietly laying out the reasons that he’s bailing and WAIT IS THAT A FISH?!

CHRIS CAUGHT A FISH during his tap out speech oh my goodness that is classic. A big juicy trout. Man it’s lucky he hadn’t made the physical call yet, I reckon it was mere minutes away. It’s so funny that it happened one of the only times we’ve seen him be quiet, learning moment perhaps?

Back in the game, baby! Chris is showing way more fish knowledge than me by just eating the fish eggs raw (caviar on Alone is a zero to 100 kind of move).

Chris has also graced the audience with my favourite quote of the series thus far:

‘Don’t ever not ever give up!’

You got it dude.

 

***

 

It’s brilliant to see the effect that a bit of sustenance has on Chris, his mood has completely flipped. The swirling doubts are gone, he’s back to yelling at the top of his lungs and doing random pointless things like making a big rock stack or going for a cold water plunge.

I love that fed Chris is more chaotic than hungry Chris. It’ll be interesting to see how he goes having come so close to tapping while in a bad headspace. Will he persevere longer next time? That being said, it’s not like it’s the first time he’s experienced hardship.

I’m glad he’s sticking around.

Gina

I love that Gina’s walking around in shorts, or wait maybe without pants on at all? Big ‘kid who wears shorts all winter’ energy.

Ohh right it’s because she has hives from wearing too many clothes. Classic Gina problems! I’m gonna say that it could also just be an allergic reaction of some sort but what would I know, I’m just a dumb person who wears shoes, and underpants.

Anyway we get a nice closeup of Gina’s thighs as well as Chris’ this ep but there’s more to come.

It’s crazy to me that Gina just hasn’t focused on food at all. I know her and Mike are just trusting their big chonky bodies to start burning fat but have they practised that before? I also know that Mike has from his survival expeditions but what about Gina? As I said in the ep three recap, they only had two months to prepare. Which they spent eating heaps.

Gina reckons she’s lost seven of her 30kg using the tried and tested ‘my pants fit better’ method. She is definitely visibly slimming up though, can’t do that forever.

 

 

Anyway she’s focusing on making her home deluxe for now using a very tough looking tarp (was that one of the ten items, it’s not the crappy Bunnings tarp they all have) and she’s … weaving a door?

My first thought on a woven door was ‘that’s a waste of time surely’ but I made two mistakes here.

1. They have kind of endless time in this situation and

2. I had no idea what weaving a door entailed.

That little flap thing is fresh Gina, Duane you taking notes?

I love the little dive into Gina’s motivation here too. Thoughts about being the first woman to win, but also just remembering an older way of being and proving it’s still possible (y’know, by killing and eating lots of shit) but hey, that’s history folks!

And how’s that smile as she looks out of her shelter after a week+ in the elements? She’s clearly still loving it!

Gina had a great article in The Guardian this week that’s worth a read if you reckon you’re an Alone expert from the comfort of your couch.

Duane

Woah Duane is 16km away from Gina, that’s further than I thought.

We’re finally seeing the famous ‘skidding-along-the-log’ shot we’ve seen in the intro. His laces are loose. This seems really dumb to be honest. But what about that nut cracking stack?

Turns out it wasn’t that bad at all. Cheeky SBS! I thought for sure he’d hurt himself more. Oh well glad he’s ok. But it makes me sus on the editing for sure.

Has anyone noticed how close Duane’s shelter is to the water? Is that smart, could the water rise? It kind of feels like he just built it directly where he landed, which becomes even more apparent when he discovers that the only snag-free fishing spot is an arduous trek away.

I love how Mike made a full on fishing rod last ep and Duane is just using a Coke bottle he found. That’s the second bit of rubbish we’ve seen this ep (the first was that rusty thing on Chris’ campfire). Is that cause it’s not as wild as it looks? Or cause humans suck?

Anyway Duane is talking a LOT about family this ep. And at this point, deep beyond the fourth wall, we know that SBS is controlling that narrative, but why?

Just as he’s thinking about his family and bailing out, you beauty! Duane’s got a fish. It just takes time my man, you’ll be stoked now, right?

 

***

 

Ok in the grimmest turn of events Duane couldn’t get his fire started, despite having wood in his shelter for a few days now. He’s shown knowledge in eating it raw but god, that was some Smeagol tier behaviour. 

The piece to camera is back, and this time it’s post fish. Alone has claimed its first real Aloner. Sure some other people talked about family as they tapped, but this is the first one well out of dropshock with some survival skills on display. Duane’s lost his reason to be out here, he loves Country, but he loves people and connection more. Good on him, I’ll miss you dude!

More thigh, and a bit of cheek! Duane displays his tight rig as he goes for a nudie swim at dawn or dusk. Did some poor/lucky SBS employee have to edit the footage of him walking naked out of the water? #releasetheclip

 

Mike

Coming back to Mike always feels a little bit like tuning into his YouTube channel. The man is so practical, has he shared any emotions or concerns about family? I feel like this length of wilderness trip is so normal for him those feelings haven’t even begun to surface yet. Or he doesn’t have them hahaha.

He’s sounding less sick though, which is a boon. Beating Covid with willpower and gumboot water, take that modern medicine!

Mike’s trap still isn’t working though, which is a bit brutal. Maybe they can smell him? That being said, he’s confident as. He’s talking about getting his first fire started to cook the meat. I love that he’s stubbornly refused to make one until he has to because it’s so easy for him. Well, easier than it was for Lewis Hobba from Triple J.

 

 

I really love that as Mike harvests the bark of a Stringybark tree to make a cover for his fire he says that he’ll only take a third to protect the tree, and mentions the Aboriginal knowledge he’s using as he peels it smoothly off. I think that’s what I love about Mike the most, he shows that traditional survival and living with the land go hand in hand, it’s not a battle against nature.

That being said, it’s looking hella tough out there and he’ll need to catch a pademelon soon, and then he’ll win, apparently.

Michael

Wait have we seen this wall he’s building? What is that?

Michael’s footage must have given the editors a real headache, sometimes I can barely make sense of it.

Is the wall to protect from the weather? Is that where the wind comes from? I have no idea what’s going on there, anyway.

 

 

Let’s talk about the vow. Michael made a promise and/or prayer at the beginning of the show that sounded like he was marrying the land. He’s ride or die, literally ‘medevac or I’m the last one standing’.

It could be empty posturing, but I get the feeling it’s not.

However I’m not sure his commitment level goes far enough to eating the maggots he’s found in his hat. Yikes.

 

***

 

We’ve hit day ten! Well done team how shall we celebrate? Oh yeah, getting naked!

Michael’s plan to heat up riverstones to create a hot bath in a backpack raincover sounds utterly mental. To his credit, it didn’t seem to melt a hole and he seemed to enjoy it but wasn’t that a huge waste of time? Have you eaten yet, my guy?

I reckon Michael is my contender for ‘guy who goes crazy’. That could mean he wins or loses but at this point I have no idea what he’s doing. It’s fun to watch though.

Kate

It’s been ages since we’ve seen Kate! And she’s come to the rescue with the knowledge. She’s collecting dogwood leaves for toilet paper and acacia for soap. We love the self care.

We also love the raw stoke, and the warm AF Mont layers she’s wearing. Big Canberra energy coming out of Dr Grarock.

I’d love to know more about the toileting situation. Is everyone digging a big pit? Or lots of catholes? It’d be a great moment for SBS to share some much-needed how to poo in the bush information with the wider community.

 

 

Kate’s backstory about not being able to join Cub Scouts when she was a kid in a country town is so sad. I’m so glad we’re moving away from those times but there’s so much more to be done. It’s powerful to see the women crushing it on this show to be honest. I love that being a successful woman on Alone doesn’t have to mean coming at it with masculine energy, Gina and Kate are strong feminine spirits and that’s rad. Connecting with the land is going to be a big part of pulling off the win.

Kate’s also bringing the Mum energy by disinfecting the cuts on her fingers. I would simply ignore them until they were a massive problem like a cool dude.

Seriously though, this botany knowledge Kate’s bringing could be more valuable than it first appears. A little thing like an infection or unsanitary hands could actually make the difference out here.

But as far as we’re aware Kate hasn’t found any more food. We don’t really know what she’s up to at this point and I reckon she’s a bit of a dark horse.

Siri, play Dark Horse by Katy Perry.

Halfway There

We’re five eps into a ten episode season and five contestants remain after eleven days, things are getting interesting!

The sheer amount of episodes left makes me think that everyone lasts a solid while longer, unless it becomes the Mike and/or Gina show. Oops, did I reveal my hot picks?

Kate, Michael, and Chris have all had successes and seem mentally on top of things so it’s hard to know. Well maybe not Michael, but he seems happy. It’s not lost on me that Mike and Gina could also just be good at filming themselves, or even acting. The analysis of this show gets so damn meta.

To summarise the next ep preview:

Gina hungry, Chris grumpy, Michael worried, Mike sinking and Kate… unknown! #darkhorse

Who’s going home next? Let me know in the comments.