Alone Australia Recap – Episode 6 – Padding Come, Padding Go

Ep 6 of Alone Australia really shook things up with the odds swinging in every which favour. There’s little doubt now that they won’t be out there for months, but the $250k? Anyone’s at this point.

I’m pretty sure if you look up irony in the dictionary there’s just a picture of me walking to KFC for a Zinger Box to fuel my brain before writing this.

I imagine some text would have come up across the screen reading ‘The Zinger Box is commonly found in Sydney, but has no nutritional value’.

It’s time to recap Alone Australia everyone so grab a snack and strap in. This week’s episode had some of the key favourites looking shaky while the wildcards had some wins. If I was a gambling man I’d be worried, but after my performance at two-up on Tuesday it’s definitely not time to start.

POV you are Mike (you’ll build a wooden iPhone after lunch)

The Intro

Did anyone notice a bit more footage in the intro? Michael falling over, Gina saying ‘holy shit’ and (I think Kate?) swimming? Maybe I’ve been turning out before it gets there but it looked like it had a few updates.

It’s day ten and half the dang crew is still out there. Mike, Michael, Gina, Kate, and Chris are all still chances for the win and it really could be anyone. It’s crazy to me that they don’t know who the winner is but like surely the winner does? They’d have been picked up without calling in. Talk about a poker face.

I’m actually really enjoying watching the series week-to-week though. It makes for great water cooler chat, or whatever the work from home version of that is…

The episode begins with a beautiful blue sky day. How good.

The B-roll team couldn’t help but make their shots far more cinematic than the cast

Mike

Is that the first time we’ve seen Mike get a little goofy? Playing a bit of solo golf? If that’s Mike after ten days I wanna see him at 20!

To be fair, he’s been preoccupied. That kayak he spent eight days on is a work of art. The melted holes to tie the paracord through, the bent wood in the frame, the taught tarp. Mwah! Quietly though, what’s the paracord ration like? Seems like he used a bunch on this.

How was your weekend?

I love how he just left it in the water while he went to get his paddle. DUDE. Imagine if it just floated away.

Seriously though, why didn’t he take it further out before getting in? Does it get deep quickly? Wouldn’t that negate the whole reason for the kayak?

The little caption reads ‘Sharp trees lie just below the surface’ which I thought was pretty funny. That was less fact and more narration SBS. The ante upped a fair bit with some Hans Zimmer Tier ominous music as Mike began to paddle away…for…two seconds. God damn that sunk quickly.

Going down!

Oh well, what’s Gina up to? Wait no back to Mike. Did anyone else get whiplash from that scene? We came back to Mike just to see him empty his boots of water and drag the kayak out before flying over some weird, possibly CGI drone footage as we transitioned to Chris. This ep may have been edited on a Friday.

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Ok turns out Mike’s kayak had a really obvious flaw that he’s now fixed. Wahoo let’s get paddling my dude.

I’ve also just noticed that he’s wearing a PFD (like a life jacket). Is that a provided safety item? Did SBS know he was going to make a kayak? No one’s worn them swimming? I have QUESTIONS.

Anyway, this paddling mission looks rather delightful. Look at that transport. Mike could move to a new location. Heck he could paddle home. Technically he hasn’t tapped out if he just paddles back to Queensland?

I love how stoked Mike is as he actually gets paddling but it was pretty funny when he just said ‘That is a massive achievement’ when talking about himself. Stay humble my guy you could literally sink at any moment. Or fall out in that 60 metre deep dam you’re paddling on. Genuinely if he falls out in the middle of that thing he’s going to be sooo cold. We’ve all seen Titanic…right?

So we’re all thinking Mike should have just floated on that bark door from last ep? Ok good.

To round out the Mike chat. Damn, he looks disappointed he didn’t catch a nibble. Maybe fish don’t like rubber and wood lures (don’t ask me I’m not a fish guy) or maybe the kayak disturbs the water too much?

Given the endless sit up position and heavy paddle I’m not convinced this rig is a good use of calories, but it’s interesting to see negative thoughts finally start to creep in with Mike.

He starts complaining that there’s nothing out there but we’ve seen fish, eels, possums, and pademelons. It’s definitely not easy though. It sure looks like Mike’s given normal fishing a crack but he also started the kayak almost immediately. Maybe he should double down like Chris?

Instead, Mike’s toying with changing strategy to minimising energy spend. The ‘chillin’ by the lake’ approach to winning $250k. Honestly, I initially thought it was a bad call, but this ep’s only covering two days and seems to be a bit padded. It might be the best way to win. Mike doesn’t know that for sure though.

Gina

Ok so Gina has moved to Hobbiton.

Seriously, this weather! I can feel them all drying out. Though Gina’s toasty abode is probably a bit shweaty on the inside.

Time for elevenses!

I love how she’s sleeping naked in her possum fur coat. De-luxe. However how was it one of the ten items? I don’t remember anything on the list of 41 approved items about handmade possum pelts?

Ok but she’ll need it because she’s dropping weight incredibly quickly. Roughly a kilogram a day she reckons. I guess that technically gives her a whole month if she loses all 30? Though I’m not sure at what point the medical team would pull you out.

Actually, I’m not sure about anything. Alone’s often been pretty fly on the wall but Alone Australia keeps its cards very close to its chest. Knowing the rules can heighten the drama a bit so I’d love to see a bit more explanation.

Anyway, how good was the confidence when Gina said ‘I’m going to eat something today’.

And then it was a really gross looking grass soup. Amazing. That looks terrible. Here was me thinking I was about to get an insight into Gina’s hunting skillset.

She also admits that she doesn’t have that many survivalist skills. Like, obviously that’s relative, as my shelter would suck in comparison, but it’ll be interesting to see if being comfortable just being wild is enough as a modern day human, or if you do need specific knowledge.

No way. Gina took the block of salt. I said I’d take this! My reasoning was that a bit of salt could preserve meat, or help water hydrate you better. But you could also put heaps into a soup and then have a little vom I guess?

Not ideal. You don’t want to be losing all those electrolytes and bile out here.

I love how just earlier in the show I was thinking that the shots are getting too choppy and that I’d be happy for some longer, more meditative viewing. 

Well we all got about a minute straight of Gina retching, so be careful what you wish for eh?

Chris

Oh man, I’m so glad Chris is still on. Today on the Chris show, we are hunting yabbies. There’s no club in sight, so I’m quietly confident. His spot is so idyllic. Check out that waterfall!

Btw SBS you aren’t fooling anyone with those delicious cuts of B-roll. They cut shots from a cloudy day with beautiful B-roll from a sunny one. I think at this stage of the editing knockoff beers had commenced.

Wait.

What’s that?

A club. Fuck’s sake Chris! Oop now he’s just sticking his hand in there. And here was me thinking he was going to patiently fish for a yabbie. I’ve seen yabbies, if you sit by a river and just wait you’ll know if they’re in there.

I don’t know if Chris is deliberately being characterised with zero patience or not but it looks like he spends about five seconds doing anything. It’s good viewing but I wish he’d slow down.

As we know though, PTSD is the big Chris wildcard and man that panic attack he had after hearing a helicopter was tough viewing. Even out here the man can’t escape his triggers. War sucks, don’t do it kids.

I do feel really sorry for him, this looks really hard and it sheds some light on how often he’s covering up hard emotions with his loud personality.

I’m still going to pay him out for shouting all the time though.

Wait, wait, wait, why is Chris standing in front of the camera at the water again?

Oh man, that was his first PTSD panic attack in six months apparently. Damn. Surely a little bit to be expected though, given the stress he’s under right? Not that it makes things easier.

Aww it’s cool to see Chris working through it. I’m really enjoying his journey of self discovery, I feel like I’m similar to him in many ways, the distraction of company is important and being all alone can be a difficult place if you get into your head. His mantra at the end is good: ‘If you’re gonna tap, tap in the morning.’ Or better yet, only tap when the going is good.

So pure!

Honestly, he’s caught his third fish too, he’s got a good thing going. Maybe being a fisherman counts for something?

‘I’m gonna win this and stay for 100 days!’ Chris says. In that order? If the contestants knew what the others were up to, I’d believe it, but Chris could tap at any moment, and I know he wants to avoid going to a dark place he’s all too familiar with.

Kate

Kate hears a helicopter and just kind of shrugs. I love how that was included, it really highlights how intense the PTSD response is.

Also outfit change? The green flanno is strong! Maybe this is just the first time we’ve seen Kate not in her massive puffer jacket.

Ok so I knew Kate wasn’t keen on hunting and wanted to avoid it, but even after our podcast together I didn’t realise she was fully committed to not hunting mammals on the show. With her wildlife biology skills she’s probably the best person to hunt them too, gah!

I think we can safely assume that Kate is simply spending a lot of time fishing and it’s not great television, and that might be why we’re not seeing that much of her?

But when we do, oh boy. Who wants to come look at poos?!

PooCam is peak television

I think I want to bottle Kate’s laugh when she sees a poo and open it when I’m sad. It’s infectious. It also means she’s damn good at finding mammals.

At what point would you look at a possum and drool a little bit? For Kate, it’s not 11 days.

In fact, I think she loves them more than ever.

But it is concerning that we’re only early on day 11 at this point.

Kate actually cried a bit as she reinforced how proud she was of not hunting the local mammals

Michael

If Kate is Friend of the Possums what does that make Michael? This is a man who will happily use his veterinarian skills for evil Possum Pie when the time calls.

I wonder why everyone’s hearing possums though? Maybe they’re getting used to these weird fat humans who’ve posted up on the shoreline?

It’s pretty funny how they immediately ran away from Michael though, maybe his skills aren’t as useful as I thought.

The possums never stood a chance

I loved it when he said he’d trapped pigs, cats, and cows. Maybe they were wild? He could have been trapping on Old McDonald’s farm though, we have no idea.

In any case, it’s time to make a trap and that flappy door is frankly delicious my guy. Let’s see if you can do a better job than Mike.

No Taps!

There you have it, no one bailed this episode. Everyone lost a bit of padding (weight) and the show definitely gained a bit of padding as SBS streeetched out two days, but I reckon the next few episodes are going to be a right rollercoaster.

Five contestants are left with four episodes remaining. I reckon the playing field has significantly levelled. Mike’s possibly wasted a heap of time on his kayak and Gina’s broth sucked whilst Chris keeps manifesting fish and Kate is absolutely nonplussed. Michael’s a bit more rogue but if that trap pays off he could be much more of a threat than I first thought.

What’d you think? Did this episode shift your favourites? Who’s going to tap next? Do your camping trips feel very tame? Let me know in the comments!