Quality mother daughter time is hard to find once you’re an adult. So when an opportunity came for Emma and her Mum to go for a trek together, they said ‘YES’ before they properly considered what they were undertaking. 

 

I’d moved to a new country and I had three weeks before my first big job out of uni was set to begin – all the way on the other side of the world.

Like any rational person packing up their life or preparing for a big change, I took on a ‘now or never’ mindset. I must, I thought, tick off all I can on the ever growing bucket list of cool stuff to do in my lifetime, before this new version – the corporate version of Emma – takes over.

Read more: 6 Ways to Find Adventure While Working 9-5

 

 

That was my main motivation to embark on Alfred Wainright’s 309km Coast to Coast journey across the UK. Get out and see the countryside before I blink and begin drowning in seemingly endless spreadsheets in an office somewhere in London.

In comes Kirsten, my mother who at this stage is dreading (well this was my interpretation!) the departure of her first born to the country she managed to escape from – dark, wet England.

Who knows how she’ll cope or what she’ll do when I’m gone! Probably a lot as I won’t be there to distract her, to give unsolicited life advice or unhelpfully reorganise kitchen cupboards.

Planning for this two week adventure wasn’t as simple as I thought. Which is silly because by now we all know that while the idea is great, the logistics are, well, logistical.

Read more: 6 Mistakes to Avoid When Planning Your Hiking Trip

Whilst expressing my frustrations at excess camping gear and being unable to find reliable camping locations along the route, Mum piped up ‘How about I come with you’ and then after a moment of silence ‘oh but I couldn’t spend too many nights in a tent’.

That changed everything.

After seeing that she was serious, ideas started to rush to my head. The thought of cozy Bed and Breakfasts, warm fires, and pub dinners flooded my mind.

You see, these were luxuries I hadn’t dared look into as a solo travelling 24 year old who was taking on the cost of moving country! But with a newfound companion (Mum) who ‘needed’ these amenities, I could definitely do my part and comply.

‘Done, book your flight. Lets walk across England together’

Getting Started on Alfred Wainwright’s Coast to Coast

Three weeks later we arrived in St Bees via train from London. Snacks packed to the max. Borrowed gear from family and old (well loved) walking shoes. 

We were both trying to act casual, rather than acknowledge what we were about to embark on.

 

God forbid we voice our concerns out of fear they’ll manifest into existence.

I was eager to get going at the crack of dawn. My legs restless at the sight of other walkers on the same journey as us.

Mum knew it was important to wait so we could have a decent breakfast at the hotel. That’s why I brought mum, she has all the good ideas.

 

It’s always a rough shock when you start a very long walk. Those first few miles of the day were slow going, we got hit with sets of steep hills barely ten minutes in.

I couldn’t help to think how awfully silly we were, Mum’s training consisted wholly of walking up the stairs at the tube station (instead of taking the lift) for all of about seven days before departure, and I realised I was relying on general fitness without giving much thought into this actual task we had set out to do.

Overwhelm set in with the realisation of how far we had to go.

Being Forced To Face the Facts

As the days went on, and the remaining kilometres came down, we found our legs. This was good timing as we started the most challenging section through the Lake District. It was so incredibly beautiful. But as we walked, teething issues began to show.

We said goodbye to my younger cousin who’d been walking with us for a couple of days. It was now just me and Mum.

 

 

Mum had started to mention more frequently how sore her feet had been getting. I knew it wasn’t great because she’d been stretching and rolling morning and night as if she was an Olympic gymnast warming up for a routine.

 

 

I’d brushed it off – thought – ‘she seems to be managing it’, and put it down to something that can’t be fixed – the general wear and tear of life (aka old age, sorry Mum).

We Had ‘Words’

‘What do you mean you need to stop again because your feet are hurting? We’re walking long distances, it’s meant to be uncomfortable!’.

I was being ruthless, I know. Mum had chosen to come on my trip, before my life changed – not the other way round. I apparently hadn’t been clear enough from the start.

 

 

I was standing on the trail, in the rain, and it had been raining all morning. We’d walked less than 10km. Mum was sitting on the ground, perched on her hiking backpack, and taking off her shoes to inspect her feet. She started to roll them out with a cork ball (thank the gods that was packed).

Thinking back, I could see how she had been trying to hide the pain.

Holding back tears she practically had to beg me to slow down. To stop for longer. She told me that she wasn’t enjoying it anymore.

That I’d race off and leave her to pain that grew with every step.

 

I’d had no idea how much it truly affected her. I’d been somewhat aware, but I hadn’t stopped to ask more questions, I wasn’t being very empathetic and I wasn’t prepared to consider factors that had potential to steer away from my own goal.

That was the moment we both realised we had to adjust our expectations.

I was starting to understand that my drive to get to the end was an outlet for the fear and uncertainty of starting a new job. I wanted to get this walk over with so I could mentally prepare for what was coming next.

 

Coming Up With a Game Plan

From there we decided we’d plan out the day ahead the night before. I’d check the elevation on AllTrails and send screenshots to mum, I actually showed her how to use AllTrails herself so she didn’t have to rely on me. 

We’d plan where a good spot was to have lunch and take at least forty minutes, sometimes an hour. I promised we’d have more frequent breaks, sometimes sitting for ten for every half hour. 

Mum even chose to opt out of a day which turned out to be 43km of walking while I exhausted myself, leaving me happy to do anything she wanted from that moment on.

Reflecting, it all feels like pretty basic stuff to get so wrong, but we never thought to have these conversations at the start. We were walking the same path but our intentions were completely different.

Mum just wanted to take this rare opportunity to spend two solid weeks with me out in the country.

Read more: When’s the Right Time to Turn Around on an Adventure?

I wanted that too… but also I wanted to tick off the walk, which I’d spotted in The Lonely Planet’s Epic Hikes of the World years earlier. 

I wanted to walk hard and fast. I wanted to do side quests, to end each day tired and sore. I wanted to push my limits and have a story to tell. Maybe that’s what I was too focused on. I was being driven more by external factors and when I let go of that pressure, we found our rhythm.

But we made it work. I gained so much more by walking with Mum than I would have going alone.

It’s much more fun to have someone with you to laugh when you’re standing knee-high in pits of peat.

 

 

We both physically pushed ourselves to exhaustion each day. Mum setting out on some of her longest walks ever, breaking personal bests again and again.

I felt proud of both of us and I know she was happy to see me in my element.

It was the most satisfying thing, seeing and smelling the ocean again as we arrived in Robin Hood Bay.

 

 

We absolutely smashed the two week timeframe we gave ourselves. I asked Mum questions I dare not ask again, and Mum got to see just how hangry I can get.

Like anyone who’s lucky enough to get solo time with someone they love, I’ll always keep these memories close.

 

 

After the trip we found out that Mum had hardcore arthritis and she’s since had a hip replacement. I did get to tick off an incredible walk and thank goodness for that, because days later I really was drowning in spreadsheets. 

I can’t wait for our next adventure together. This time she gets to pick, or better yet, we’ll make the decision together.

 

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