Eva is a woman. And sometimes, she goes outside. Obviously this is a strange new place for her, and she’s still getting her bearings, so she’s given us some tips on how men can help her, and other women, find their feet in the wild.
It’s common knowledge that these days there are women in the wild. They’re out there doing all kinds of things like walking, swimming, and even surfing and climbing! It’s a strange new world. Here’s some tips on how to interact with women when you spot them out in the wilderness.
1. Don’t Just Speak to Them Normally
Women are wild and dangerous creatures. They can be unpredictable. Under no circumstances should you approach them as you would an average man with a casual ‘hey’ or ‘nice day’ as this may stir them to a fit of rage.
2. Explain How to do Something She’s Already Doing
It’s safe to presume that women do not know what they’re doing. Even if she appears to be performing a task with competence, she’s probably secretly hoping that you’ll give her some extra instructions.
For example, I find it really helpful when men tell me to paddle for a wave that I’m already paddling for, because it really helps me know I’ve made the correct choice of wave.
3. Take Over the Task
In some cases, it’s actually best to just physically assist the woman instead of offering verbal advice. If you see any woman trying to do something like setting up a tent or reversing a trailer, don’t offer to help and wait for her answer, just jump right in there.
Rest assured, they’d be incapable of doing the task themselves and would not ask for help even if they needed it.
4. Make Sure Your Advice is Unexpected
As stated above, women do not ask for help or advice. They’ll often avoid eye contact or display body language that seems as though they don’t want to interact with you, but this is a ruse! Women always need your help and advice.
The best tactic is to sneak up on them and then boldly announce your words of wisdom once you’re close enough that they can’t pretend they haven’t heard you. This way you can guarantee that you’ll be listened to.
5. Point Out Something Really Obvious
Women are not very observant and often have no idea where they are or what they’re doing. You can help them by pointing out some obvious things around them to help them get their bearings.
Comments like ‘It’s pretty steep’ when walking uphill, or ‘It’s pretty cold’ while in the ocean, can be very helpful. It may be that the woman has lost her way and climbed the mountain or entered the surf by mistake!
6. Comment on Her Appearance
If you can’t think of any wise advice in the spur of the moment, a safe bet is to make a comment about her appearance. Women love when people stare closely at their body in public or draw attention to their physical attributes, so this’ll always go down well!
Simple comments like ‘You fit into that wetsuit alright’ or ‘Nice tan lines’ are the perfect starting point. This’ll give her the confidence boost she needs to kick start her adventure and definitely won’t make her feel uncomfortable and self conscious.
7. Give a compliment, but not too nice
The most reassuring thing for a woman to hear is that she is doing well, for a girl. If you tell her this, she’ll be eternally grateful and not annoyed at all.
8. Ignore her Completely
If you’re totally dumbstruck you can always pretend that the woman simply does not exist! Better yet, drop in on her waves, talk loudly about her within earshot, walk in the middle of the path without moving aside, and take up as much space as humanly possible! You were here first anyway.
Feature photo thanks to John Cameron