You know those quizzes that BuzzFeed used to run to find out what kind of potato you are? (Proud Mashed Potato speaking, by the way). Yeah, we’re not doing one of those. But what we are doing is teaming up with PayPal to bring all of your outdoor aficionado mates to life.
Which mates? The ones who go too far. We’re sure you’ve been exploring with someone who fits a least one of these adventure stereotypes: from the foodie, whose grilled eggplant with red wine jus doesn’t quite come off on the Jetboil; to the tech fiend who’s running around with solar panels strapped to their forearms.
If one of the below speaks to you, share it in the group chat with the offending friend. Go on, it’s time to stage an intervention, you’re doing it because you care.
Don’t get us wrong, we love it when people get inspired, but damn if it ain’t easy with the Flashpacker! This is the mate who calls you on a Friday arvo, wondering if you’re keen to jump in the car at 5pm for a spontaneous road trip. With cries of ‘no worries!’ and ‘live for the moment!’ they lure you in.
Spontaneous trips are good, in theory, but when you’re sleeping in your car after a dinner of cold-beans-by-phone-light, you might find yourself wondering why you ever trusted your Flashpacker mate.
Ahh, the spiritual mirror of the Flashpacker. The Organiser smugly asks how heavy everyone’s packs are, knowing full well that it’s only Tuesday and you still need to go and buy a tent.
Not only do they make your life look like a hot mess, this friend can be a real bastard when it comes to chill time.
Unable to sit still, personally offended by people not ‘making the most of this beautiful area’ but also terrible at spontaneous adventures, the Organiser can be a real pain in the arse. Real talk though – every group needs one. Wait, is it you?
Is it really dinner if there are less than 3 courses? The Foodie knows that it isn’t. Whether it’s the friend who’s painfully picky at the pre-camp Woolies blitz (‘If we all put in an extra $2 we can get the organic hummus!’) or the mate who looks down at you in pity as you prep some noodles and tomato sauce; this stereotypical mate is one giant, boring, tastebud who needs to be stopped.
On the flipside, if they can pull it off then the Foodie is definitely the best person on this list to bring along. Don’t forget to help wash up!
You probably don’t actually go on trips with the Instagrammer, because if you had you’d have eaten your own face by midday. #adventure #nofilter #doinitforthegram The hashtags close in, suffocating, as you stop, again, to pretend to have fun next to, on top of, or under something.
Everywhere you turn phones are raised, watching like some demented Big Brother with a 10-second attention span.
Haunting eh? If you do happen to end up on an adventure with the Instagrammer, maybe preach originality to them (or give in and get a new profile picture – you sellout).
The Tech Fiend
Is it really camping unless you’re trying out your microchipped coffee maker?
Well yeah, but no one told the Tech Fiend.
This is the mate who’s GPS logging every movement, can’t see the stars because of their epic lighting setup and constantly talks about how well their clothing is wicking away moisture.
Dude. Please stop talking about how well your clothing is wicking away moisture.
The big problem with the Tech Fiend is that they think ‘All the gear and no idea’ are words to live by, not cautionary ridicule. By all means bring them along, just be ready to spend half the arvo getting their drone out of a tree.
Your Survivor friend is prepared for the elements. They’ve binge-watched Bear Grylls and they’re ready to test their limits, physically, mentally and culinarily. You’re only going waterfall chasing and camping in a National Park but THEY. ARE. PREPARED.
If you absolutely have to bring the Survivor, we recommend patting them down for concealed weapons, checking your water bottles before drinking from them and giving them a fucking beer. Relax bro, we’re only 12 k’s from the city.
This article was produced by We Are Explorers in partnership with PayPal; it’s an easy way to pay online for all your adventure needs. Why? Because it’s easier to use than a pop-up tent and safer than a box of waterproof matches. (Oh, and you get free return shipping and Travel Cancellation Insurance too). T&Cs apply.