“What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die of course. Literally shit myself lifeless.” – Bill Bryson
Here are 8 indisputable (if not mildly ridiculous) reasons to pack your bags and go camping this Winter:
1. No Serpents
Unless you’ve got worms, winter is the only time you’ll sleep with 100% confidence that you won’t wake up with a wriggler in your sleeping bag. Snakes take a well deserved nap from their slithering antics during the cooler months, which means those dreaded midnight pee breaks aren’t so utterly terrifying.
2. Cold beer
There are fewer things less enjoyable in life than the warm trickle of flat beer down your throat. It’s like Satan himself has spiked it. Stubby holders achieve only so much, and the result tends to be a drinking speed directly proportional to the falling temperature of your beer. In Winter this issue simply doesn’t exist. Winning.
3. Snuggling is Essential
Who doesn’t love a bloody good snuggle? Winter is the perfect time to go camping with your loved one, or for that matter anyone that you’ve wanted to cuddle but haven’t had the chance to yet. If, however one of your friends has the surname Milat, might be an idea to leave them off the email chain.
Picture it; You’re sat in your armchair 50 years from now, your children’s children crowded around you. They’re all sat obediently, cross-legged, their eye’s bulging with anticipation and unparalleled excitement for storytime. As the fire crackles you sip your scotch, clear your throat and with a glint in your eye slowly begin. “Once, back in the winter of 2015, my friends and I headed into the wintery wilderness of New South Wales…..”. Finish this story.
5. Avoid the Crowds
Scoring that idyllic camping spot that you once saw in a dream can be a little challenging in Summer. It sometimes feels like you’ve arrived a day late for Glastonbury. Unless you book the best sites 8 years in advance you’re unlikely to find one amongst the make-shift villages that Australian campers are capable of constructing in one weekend. One of the greatest advantages of camping in the frozen woods is that you’ll more than likely have the entire place to yourself, and it’s absolute bliss.
Like watching puppies play in pillow feathers, campfires have this magical ability to warm the cockles of your heart, and there is no better time than winter to experience that bone-deep feeling of happiness. Don’t just toast a marshmallow on it either – better still, fill it with Kahlua for a super shot. Some say it’s what paradise tastes like.
Hate peeling pomegranates? Pissed off because the toaster you bought doesn’t have a bagel setting? In addition to highlighting the insignificance of our first-world problems, a night at the million star hotel in winter is a spectacle like none other. Time it tight with the weather and you’ll be picking your jaw up from the scrub
Ants, flies and mosquitos can send some (including me) into the primary stages of madness. If you’ve had enough of swatting your own face and don’t want to scan the ground like an amateur land-mine surveyor anymore, then head for the great outdoors in winter. These little critters have taken their sabbatical so the only thing you’ll be swatting is your mate when he’s drunk too many Kahlua marshmallows and it’s time for him to sleep IN his tent. Don’t forget to give him a cuddle first though.
Have I missed anything else that’s vitally important off the list?!?